#5. Full House
Concept: Take a potty mouthed comedian named Bob Sagat and use lasers to remove any hint of male genitalia, add in a Popeye impersonator, an Elvis impersonator, and throw in three wholesome daughters to complete this unholy mixture.
Reasons I watch: Aside from the fact that cute little Michelle grows up to be not just one, but two coke snorting whores, there is also the feeling that no matter what you do your family will never be as good as the Tanners. Why is this a reason to watch? Fuck if I know!
If Your Friends Catch You: They will think you harbor a secret passion for all things Penis and Martha Stewart.
Fun Fact: Jodie Sweetin, the actress who played Stephanie, grew up to be quite the little crank addict! Unfortunatly for us she hit rock bottom and cleaned up her act before it could turn into a truly public flame-out. Come on Jodie! Wheres the fun in that?
Shame Factor: 9/10
#4 Star Trek: The Next Generation
Concept: Bank on the popularity of a show canceled 25 years ago by using updated special effects and replacing miniskirts with spandex induced camel-toe. Me Likey!!!
Reasons I Watch: Aside from the aforementioned camel-toe, there is the sweet intro with an awesome score, great make-up, and special effects that still hold up 20 years after the shows release. Add in the fantastic writing that goes beyond the standard sci-fi tropes and you have a winning formula.
If Your Friends Catch You: After they're finished yelling "Nerds!Nerds!Nerds!" like Animal from Revenge of the Nerds, they'll probably pull your underwear up over your head and give you a swirlie, because thats how any self-respecting red-blooded American would treat a nerd like you.
Fun Fact: The cast hated the spandex uniforms, specifically saying that they were itchy and uncomfortable. With this in mind I like to think that all the camel-toe and mammal-toe was actually some kind of silent protest by the cast. Oh you tricky spacefarers! You had no idea that you were playing right into the audiences hands...literally!
Shame Factor: 7/10
#3 Bad Girls Club
Concept: Take a group a nasty whores, lock them in a house together, and supply them with a never-ending flow of booze. Sounds like a family Christmas!
Reasons I Watch: It's hard for me to convince my wife that I don't watch this for the shots of scantily clad whores, but believe it! For me Bad Girls Club is like watching The Ultimate Fighter if all the fighters were constantly drunk, had no clue how to fight, and had STD infested vaginas between their legs instead of penises. Like T.U.F. there is a fight every episode, sometimes two. Unlike T.U.F. the fights usually involve more hair pulling than my entire donkey punch photo gallery.
If Your Friends Catch You: Be prepared to get accused of masturbating, which, lets be honest, you're probably doing right now anyway you sick fuck.
Fun Fact: For years science has claimed that AIDS came from a monkey, well now we have proof! Watch the show and see if you can spot which crusty whore is the original AIDS monkey!
Shame Factor: 8/10
#2 Spongebob Squarepants
Concept: Make a cartoon in the quirky vein of Nickelodean classic Ren & Stimpy, but with an even gayer undertone! Hooray for the kids!
Reasons I Watch: Despite the absurdist nature of the show, Spongebob is one of the smartest cartoons on the air. With plenty of winks to adult viewers it manages to entertain the kids while not boring the parents to death, which is more than I can say for Max and Ruby.
If Your Friends Catch You: After accusing you of being queer, they will most likely ask you for a hit of that skunk you're smoking on. After that they'll ask you not to change the channel.
Fun Fact: Bikini Bottom is located directly beneath Bikini Atoll, the site where the U.S. government tested nuclear weapons. So thats whats up with all the wierd talking sea creatures!
Shame Factor: 8/10
#1 The Golden Girls
Concept: Take four retired GILF's and move them into a house together. Add in plenty of comedy and heart and you have a show that stands the test of time.
Reasons I Watch: The main reason for me is that my grandma used to watch this show when I was a little kid, so it gives me that nostalgic feeling like I'm still hanging out with her.....oh and Bea Arthur was a stone cold fox.
If Your Friends Catch You: Nothing good can come of it I promise you. All I can say is you better hope you got your hand out of your pants before they saw what was on the tv you disgusting, sick degenerate.
Fun Fact: Betty White is the only cast member who is still alive. Hooray death!
Shame Factor: 10/10
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